Dark days

Lately awakening to each day is akin to waking up knowing I have to try to crawl out of some dark, long tunnel. It is so hard and I feel like just saying to heck with it, I am staying right where I am. Then in a part of my mind I remember what it is like to see the sun, to feel the warmth and I know that I must keep trying. I don't know why I feel this way, perhaps it is because on the 18th of this month we are celebrating our 22 anniversary,maybe it is because soon we will be coming up to the second year of your death. Each day is so hard to get through, I wish you were here, you were my guide, my rock. When you were around I just knew that no matter what the day might bring, good or bad, we would face it together.
Our grandaughter told me that she had a dream about you, in it you were holding her son James, our great grandson, you had your cowboy hat on.You never got to see him, to hold him, or to see what a great mother Chelsea has become. In her I see alot of you, your humour, your quest for answers,your wanting to grab life and live it too the fullest. I hope that when James is old enough, that he will learn all about you, that in some way he will know you. I pray that when he needs guidance that you will be there for him, for all of the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and for me.