this is crazy

Here it is 12:3o at night and once again I can't sleep. Last night I managed to sleep for 3.38 hours, tonight who knows. My sleeping pills are definately not working.  Six o'clock comes to early for this kind of nonsence. Don't know why this is going on. I'm trying to quit smoking and still have a lot on my mind. Numbers constantly running through my brain. they don't mean anything, just randon numbers, numbers with pattern, heck I even see the darn numbers. Been taking the girls out for an extra long walk, doing anything just to be able to go to bed and sleep.
Just have so much on my mind, and still the quiet house I find deafening.
Don't know if this lonely feeling will ever go. Try to keep busy, looking into some nightschool courses or Saturday ones. Bryon used to fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. I miss listening to the cadence of this breathing, feeling the warmth of his body next to me. My dogs are just not the same.  But as they are all I have I shall try to make do.  I am so tired but the moment I put my head on my pillow my mind will not shut down.

Miss you Pooterbear, Love you.