Keeping the house up and running

Sometimes it is really hard to get the ambition to keep the house running.
Mundane chores evoke memories. I had to change a lightbulb today, it had been burnt out for almost a month but I kept putting it off. That was one of the things that Bryon had done for me and his hands were the last hands that had been on that lightbulb. In my way I felt that I was slowly getting rid of the last vestages (sp)of him, something I don't want to do. I find that I am getting more and more moody as this "festive" season comes upon me. Both Bryon and I are not "oh goody, it's Christmas" kind of people. We loved the fact that it was family time, everyone came over, we ate, we laughed we had a great time. I sent out a few Christmas cards whoopty do! Most of my shopping was done online, something new to me. My heart is just not into Christmas. I don't really remember much about last year. Somehow the family got through it. It is probably a good thing that I have a job to go to, otherwise my urge to cut the world off would become a reality. I wake up everyday with dread, it is so hard to live when a part of me is missing. I know, or rather I hope that someday this will change, that I will be able to focus more and how lucky I have been not on what I have lost. I wish there was a "Widowhood for Dummies" so that I would know that what I am feeling, thinking is normal. But really, what is normal?

Behind the moon Pooter. I love you.