The "After"

Today was the third year that Bryon was not here to celebrate his birthday. There is only 20 minutes left in this day.

To me the hardest thing to do since his death is learning to live in the "after" After he got sick, after we had all this hope, after all the treatments, after he died. It is very easy to wallow in self pity, it is harder to learn to live.......after.
The last couple of days has really brought this home. My big girl Boots dashed out of the house 4 days ago, bombed into the back yard. Her leg went one way, the knee the other. She limped back upstairs. After 3 days I took her to the vet to see what had happened. After xrays I was told she has Cruciatge Ligament Rupture. Apparently hockey players get his, Boots doesn't play hockey. The answer, to make her better is an operation in which they place a metal plate in her knee. If she doesn't have this she will be in pain, walk with a limp and it will affect her other leg. Not a lot of doctors do this operation, it is fairly complicated and a long operation. Long and short of it is, Boots is going to have the $4000.00 operation. It's not the cost that bothers me, it is my vets words. "Wendy, your world is going to drastically change for a few months" After the operation Boots will have to remain extremely quiet, allowed outside only on a leash, no jumping, no excitement, for at least 2 months. I feel so alone. It is a big responsibility considering that I also work. This is the "after" This is a responsibility that at one time Bryon and I would have shared. To add to this I received another letter from Motor Vehicle. Actually Bryon received the letter. In it they stated that they have yet to receive his medical form and if they didn't get it they would not renew his license. Here in lies the problem. Upon receipt of the first notification I contacted them. As per their instructions I sent them a copy of his death certificate. That should have been the end of it.Guess they didn't enter the information in his file, thus the second letter. Once again I phoned them and after a long conversation I politely asked the agent if she was sitting by her computer. Her reply of course was "yes" I then asked her to please enter the fact that my husband was dead, therefore he would not be renewing his license. In an earlier post I wrote about the gun registry and how after telling the agent numerous times that Bryon was dead, and yes I had sent them all the forms the agent politely told me that my husband could not longer buy restricted firearms. You have to love government agencies.  So there you have it, a little bit of my "after"