Friday night

I used to love Fridays, the last workday of the week, Bryon would be home around midnight and if I was able I would wait up for him. Saturdays were our days, he would putter in his workshop, I would clean, or shop...the one thing was that one or other of us would say "is it Millar time yet?" and we would both stop and I would have a coke and of course a beer for Bryon.Now Fridys are a constant reminder of what I have lost, how empty my life has become. I try my best to make times fun for the girls but even they sense that something is not the same. Others say that it gets better, for me each day is a constant reminder that Bryon is dead and I must continue to live in a workd devoid of my best friend. I dread mornings, I have to force myself to get through the day. Today at work I just started to cry, nothing really happened to set me of, I just remembered.......
His clothes are still in our closet, I no longer take his shirts down, wash and iron them and put them back, they just are there, waiting for him to choose one to wear. I muddle my way along, doing what I would usually be doing, housework, trying to always keep busy, to keep my mind from going to the "dark place" I can't see to wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone, that he will not come walking up the stairs with flowers for me, or telling me of his day....I will not see him again in this lifetime.
I guess the question is, how do I survive this? I know I will, he laways said that I was strong, but right now I need him to lean on, just to hold my hand, to cuddle me and tell me everything is going to be all right, to tell me to eat, to take care of myself.
I love him, I miss him, I wish he could have hung on long enough for the antibiotics to work,
Bryon you know me so well, please, please wait for me just behind the moon, I miss you and you are and always will be my husband.