Crazy

I could very well be certifiable but I swear I saw Bryon last night. Around 8:30 I took the girls outside before bed. I looked back at the house and just inside the back door stood Bryon. He was dressed for work, had all his hair, darn did he look good. He had that silly little smile on his face. Then he was gone. He always told me he would come back to see me if he could. I should be happy, instead I am more down than ever. For one fleeting minute my heart soared, my Pooter bear was home then I realized it was not so. Today was spent questioning what I saw and wiping away tears. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I feel like my life is in a downward spiral.

Wait for me behind the moon...please.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Sometimes there is something that just reaches deep into me, it grabs and twists everything inside. It is knowing that while I am in this world I will never see my Bryon. What I would give to be waiting up for him to come home from work, to hear one of his silly jokes, to just hear his voice, to see his face.

Marj and I have decided that we are going to put the lights on our tree this weekend. Charles is going to help us as the tree has grown a lot this past year. We want the lights all the way up to the top. This tree started out as the Tree of Hope, since we have lost Jim,Gord and Bryon it has become the tree of Rememberance. It holds a special place in the hearts of those who are left behind. It brings some comfort to me, I like to think that the lights can be seen from the heavens.

The house is too quiet, there will  be no motorcycle pulling into the driveway.

Behind the moon Pooterbear.

Saturday

It's 10:30 Saturday night, I'm all alone and I need you.

You are my world, you used to say that we had the kind of marriage you dreamed about and it was. I am finding it hard to "get on with my life" You were my life. Each day is just about getting through it. I thought I had cried all the tears that I had in me.......how wrong I was. There are so many things that happen in my day, I want to come home and tell you. The crow that for some reason crashed into the tire of the car driving ahead of me.....the crow survived. I have no one to tell, no one who would appreciate it. I want to hear about your day.

Last Saturday

Last Saturday I thought that I would like to be alone, to have a day of reflection. One year ago Bryon died, how did I make it through that year.
My one daughter and her family decided to come down and take me out for dinner, my other daughter called and said she was coming down and then my son called and he and the family came over as well. So much for going out to dinner, we ordered a bunch of Chinese food. I had to stop and remember that the kids missed Bryon as well, it was not all about me and getting through the day, it was about a family missing someone who was important and loved. Bryon had a love for anything explosive, he was playing with black powder as a child.All the kids knew this as he would often regale them with his stories. He even got his license to let off fireworks. Kristina brought this big, over 3 feet tall, fireworks down. After dinner, when it was dark, we went into the backyard and our grandson Dane lit it. It was an explosion of colourful bursts, at least 10 of them.

 That was for you Bryon, you are loved and missed.