Living the calendar

When Bryon got sick and started treatments there were so many appointments. To keep track of all if them I used a calendar, each different appointment had a different colour post it arrow with all the information.
Blue was chemo, yellow blood work, red was one doctor, orange was radiation and so on. That calendar is still on my fridge. Every October I seem to relive each day even though this year is the third year of his death. I have tried to throw it out but I just can't! Maybe I am punishing myself for not being able to save him. I know I did the best I could , listened to the doctors made sure he took his meds, my head knows all that but my heart is still on a different page. I miss him so much. There are times that I want so badly to follow him, but it is not my time.

Love you even into eternity Bryon

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