July 25

There is an old saying"no matter how bad you day is, there is someone out there that would gladly trade you places" Today that saying hit home in a big way. Bry was going to call his kids to tell him about his cancer. Instead he received a call from Sherry, the youngest daughter. Tammy's(Oldest daughter) husband Mike was killed in a plane crash in northern Quebec. They both were avid outdoors people and Mike was going for a weekend away with some mates. Both he and the pilot were killed.Mike was in his early 40's and they had a young son Nolan. Sometimes life just sucks......big time.

July 21

Well they say that there are days in ones life that are all defining.....today is one of those days. The elephant in the room now has been recognized and you know what.....somehow knowing is better than not. Bry has lung cancer....there I said it.
All in all I am suprisingly calm, I know wait for later. We have an appointment with another specialist in August and apparently his cancer should respond well. I am glad that I went to todays appointment with him,,,me and my pad full of questions.
Oh shit, can't write anymore right now.

July 13

Tell me, why is it the only time I want to write something is usually in the middle of the night? Tonight I got smart and decided to sit myself down and rant. Yup, right now I want to rail against everything and everyone. I have tried on numerous occasions to get ahold of Bry's kids. I think they should at least have some idea as to what is going on with their father. I guess they have busy lives, yes that they must do because I never get and answer and of course I will not leave a message. Only one of them sent him a fathers day email. I feel bad for Bry because he misses them so and thinks that the lack of communication is because he was a bad father. He checks his email on a regular basis, looking for a short note or perhaps a picture of one of the gkids. What kids fail to remember is, parents do not live forever and once they are gone you can't talk to them. I know this first hand, I was one of those kids who never really appreciated my father, now I would sell my soul to the devil just to be able to sit and talk to him.I miss him so. Next rant....I do not do waiting well. I just know that the doctor has Brys result but we have to wait for a week tomorrow to find out anything. Next rant.....I am angry at almost everything..there do I feel better...not really. How will all this change our world, I hope that God willing we can change it, become better people, stop to enjoy life, because it is all too short.

July 07

Just picked up my Bry from the hospital. Thanks for the rides Marj. It was bronchoscopy day. I don't know what kind of drugs they use but judging by Bry they are really good. He is safely tucked in bed for a nap. Now comes the worst part, yup the waiting. July 21 we see the specialist to get the results. I hope and pray that this thing is just a major infection, my mind will not go anywhere else.

July 02

At last 4 days off, 4 days straight. I doubt if I will know how to behave. So, not to become too lazy I cut the front lawn(thank you Bry for leaving the truck parked on the middle of the lawn, just saved me a bit of cutting) cleaned the kitchen, including washing the floor. In all honesty I can't say as I remember when I last did it. Laundry came next, pick up after the girls...when did they get so many toys?Oh yes, me time.....I did my hair. Not too happy bout it but what the heck. I guess I am trying to keep busy,that way my mind is not going to that "scary place" Did you know that there are only 7 MRI machines in Canada. Lots in the good old USA lot of good that does us. Tec and I googled private clinics, yeah right, I will just pull out the old chequebook and write one for $2500.00. I mentioned to Bry that if we had not heard from the Dr in a week I would give them a "reminder" call. That went over well......not! He doesn't understand that I am not one to just sit and wait, I have to get things moving. Went over and had a chit chat with Marg. God bless her, she is my sounding board. She lost her Jim last November. That was hard. I sometimes wonder how she puts up with me and all my questions. She has walked this path and is willing to be my guide.....thank goodness for friends.