Wednesday

CANCER SUCKS IT JUST PLAIN SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They say that in order to kill the cancer they have to almost kill the person...how true. Bryon is in such immense pain, his morphine has once again been upped. He is almost at the maximun he can have. Seven days of radiation done, eight more to go.
He can hardly get up off the couch, it took 45 minutes tonight and help from Marj just to get him standing. I really didn't know what to do. He can't get out of bed without help, anything that requires him lifting himself up or walking. Sandi's son is going to put a ramp out our front door which will make it easier to get him into the car. If things go according to plans I can just wheel him out. It is so hard to see him this way I can't begin to imagine what he is going through. Charles didn't have to work today so he helped me get him to radiation, tomorrow Marj is going to help. I am so tired, so profoundly angry, and so scarred. I know that this will turn out with Bryon in remission, but the path to get there is so rocky.
Pill time (mine that is) and then to bed.

Province article

Gigantic store signs and T-shirts emblazoned with the visceral message “F--k Cancer” convey the angry attitude some say is needed to combat the cancer epidemic.

That’s the hope of Yael Cohen, 23, who says that the F--k Cancer slogan reflects her emotional reaction when she sat at the hospital, head in her hands, after her mother’s first surgery for breast cancer.

“F--k cancer is all I could say,” says Cohen.

“But this is not about swearing, it’s an honest and powerfully-expressed emotion on this disease that has hit our parents’ generation hard,” says Cohen. The F--k Cancer non-profit charity already has raised about $250,000.

“Hopefully, by the time my Generation Y, aged about 17 to 35, is in the high-risk demographic, we’ll have made some progress toward early detection of cancer because that offers the best chance of surviving this disease.”

Cohen and her mother Diane Cohen, a Vancouver interior designer who has survived two surgeries, wear the T-shirts at society events and talk openly.

A phrase used by prominent cancer survivors such as cyclist Lance Armstrong, who battled testicular cancer, “F--k Cancer” has grown into a “movement” that “comes from a very real place,” explains Cohen.

“The expression starts the essential discussion about cancer instead of just sweeping it under the rug.

“Cancer should not be a secret hidden battle, we’ve got to fight it together.”

It was in the spirit of sparking discussion that West Fourth Ave. boutique owner Michael Gorenstein erected large signs Saturday at his store Moule.


Gorenstein, who has welcomed the Cohens as customers and sells the T-shirts, says the storm of reaction was mostly positive, with a few strongly negative comments.

“My father died of cancer and almost everyone has been touched by the illness in their family, so I get that “F--k Cancer” offends some people, but really, cancer is what should offend us more.

“If people start talking about cancer around the dinner table, then my efforts will not be in vain.”

Gorenstein’s four family-owned stores, two in Vancouver, one in Winnipeg and one in Portland, Oregon, are donating 10 per cent of their sales to F--k Cancer.



Read more: http://www.theprovince.com/Controversial+Vancouver+cancer+sign+raises+eyebrows/3724793/story.html#ixzz13R6AfGNu

Monday

Even what most of us would consider an easy task is now a major undertaking for Bryon. Going down the back stairs to let the girls out is risky. Going out to the car, once again down and up stairs is so difficult. He is unsteady on his feet, in constant pain, and so tired.I come home as often as I can and let the girls out, little jobs that he used to do and I took for granted now fall to me. He feels badly about not being able to help out, I tell him, his body needs this time to heal, take the time, give your body a rest. Cancer has taken over our lives, there is no "normal" FFighting cancer is our normal, being informed, taking meds, doctors appointments is normal. I know way to much about cancer, about medications, chemo, radiation but I feel that I have to be informed in order to advicate for Bryon. I wonder what comes after this......after he goes into remission, will it always be there lurking in the background? Will a cough or pain start us worrying? The radiologist onocologist wants to do 10 sessions of brain radiation after the ones for his lung. This is preventive he says, pros outweigh the cons.Bryon is so tired of chemo, radiation, pills and appointments but he knows he must fight. I don't know if I can do it but the Province Paper ran an article about cancer. I am going to see if I can cut and paste it on my blog.

Saturday October 23,2010

Now might not be the best of times to post as I took my sleeping pill an half hour ago but what the heck. Bryon has had 4 radiation treatments. It's funny that exposure to radiation can kill you and yet here he is getting beamed 4 times every day for 15 days. I guess that have to almost kill you in order to kill the cancer. His chest is getting dry and red from the treatments and fatigue has once again set in. He finds it hard to stay up more that 8-9 hours but he is sleeping through the night.He is looking worn and tired which is to be expected. I miss his wit, his cute sayings, I miss who he was but he will return. He came home the other night after the dog walk with some lovely red carnations for me....his way of saying "thank you"
We went to WalMart last night, he in his wheelchair. He wanted to buy a new watch as the one he has now no longer fits his wrist. New pants were on the agenda as well. I don't like taking him out much as flu season is upon us and we can't risk him getting sick.Our once quiet "us" time at lunch has become out time at VGH cancer clinic. Soon all this will be in the past, it will fade but never go away. We will talk about it as we sit on our rocking chairs on the porch....yes, we will grow old together.

Wednesday October 20,2010

Day two of cycle three of chemo, day two of fifteen for radiation. No nupogen after chemo, and Bryon is starting to feel so much better. He thinks the days of the wheelchair will soon be over. I received a lovely surpise tonight, when he can home from the dog walk he had stopped to buy me some beautiful flowers. Now don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that there will be not so great days ahead, but we will take the good ones and hold them close for those "other" days.Radiation is usually at 12:00 in downtown Vancouver then is it is a mad dash to Royal Columbia Hospital, but tomorrow will be the last day for a couple of weeks, just the radiation. He has been able to cut back on his morphine and percocets and this is good. The radiaation room has walls that are 3 feet of concrete, and lined with lead. The door is lead and about 2 feet thick. Will try to get some pictures of this machine, it is unbelievable.
Love you all and good night.

Saturday October 16,2010

Thanksgiving has come and gone, a time to pause for reflection. Even in the midst of all that is going on we do have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes it just takes a big jolt to make us realize this. Last week has been quiet, no appointments, time to regroup. Bryons has had his morphine upped and is still in a lot of pain. The nice thing is that he has had the strength to carry on conversations. We had some business in Richmond and he came along for the drive.Tonight I get to decide where we are going for date night, Bryon always takes me to hospitals and doctors appointments so, tonight we are going to the casino. It is wheelchair accessable so it should be fun. Next week is the beginning of radiation, so first three days, radiation then up to RCH for Chemo. Radiation is for 3 weeks.I am trying to get more food into him, bolster up his strength. How many ways can you make Boost appealing?
He is out with the dogs right now, this is good, a bit of normalacy in his life.
I have to buy him some new shirts, he has lost so much weight that none of his old ones fit him.
So I guess that is about all there is right now, will post after we have some of the radiation under out belt.

Thursday October 07,2010

Yesterday we went to the Cancer Clinic to set up Bryons radiation treatments. He had a CT simulation scan and got tiny tattoos so they will know where to do the radiation. Should start on or around the 19th and go for 3 weeks, 5 days a week. Tie this into 3 days of chemo and what do you have???????????Fun!!!!!!!Thank goodness we don't have anything scheduled for next week, he can rest and try to get his strength up. He has lost 20 lbs, food has no appeal to him but he does try to eat. Still has the major pain, none of the doctors seem to know why, went to our GP today and he upped his morphine, so it is that plus percocets. He can't walk without pain so any appointment are in the wheelchair.I can't even rant about this, it is just so hard to see Bryon like this. I know that things will get better but it can't be too soon for us.I have gone past the point of being tired,mentaly and physically, I never knew just how worn out a person could get, but it is all worth while. He also has another chest infection, don't know how he got it but is back on antibiotics. Still we are going to have a great Thanksgiving, Charles, Marnie, Kristina and the gkids are coming over. Maybe the smell of the turkey will get his appetite going. We do have so much to be Thankful for. We have great family all of them, Sherry, Dan, Tammy, Charles, Kris, Marnie, the gkids, and we have great extended family, and friends. Our neighbour Marj has been a godsend. In a few months this will be behind Bryon and I, it will always linger in our memory but the pain and the hard times will fade.

Wednesday

Just thought I would show everyone just how sexy being bald can be.

Monday

Calling the Mothership, would you please bring back my husband and take back this clone you left in his place...........please?????? yup, that is how Bryon seems right now, he is back on the heavy pain meds and I feel as if he really isn't here.
Once again he didn't feel well enough to take the girls for their evening walk, he just hurts so much. We have an appointment to set up the radiation on Wednesday and Thursday is Dr. F. These neupogen injections seem to set him back pain wise. They are a necessary evil. I guess you could say we are about half way through treatment and believe us, we just want to hear the words that the tumour is gone.....I want my husband back. He is also getting restless. let's face it, there is only so much telly one can watch. He looks cute with his bald head.

Night

October 01,2010

This will be a short update as I am so tired. Met with the radiation Onocologist this week he explained about the treatment. Chemo started on Tuesday despite the fact that Bryons sodium levels were really low again. They felt that they didn't want to postpone the chemo any longer. Three rounds again this time and when they did the blood test on Wednesday his sodium level was up to 126 still not great but better. The morpheen seems to be helping with his pain but it is still a chore for him to walk very far. Today is the day after Chemo and he is very tired, but still he took the girls out, I guess it is the normalacy of it.He starts the neupogen injections tomorrow, Next round of chemo is October 19 and that is when he will probably start radiation. Three weeks, five days a week. After that hopfully there will only be one more round of chemo.

Glad that you are home safely Dale.