Wednesday Dec 08

A bunch of the guys at work got to talking tonight, stuff about being married and how men spend more on their mistresses etc. They turned to Sandi and I and asked what we thought....out of the blue I said that we were both very married and happy with our husbands. I am married so to me it wasn't off to talk about Bryon in the present tense but I guess others found it odd. That is their problem. For a few brief minutes the baby moon peeked out through the clouds and my thought travelled back to summers, Bryon, the girls and our fire. No need to talk, just lost in our own thoughts.....bliss. The girls are still having a hard time, they wait and watch out the window for their dad to come up the driveway. Yesterday Charles brought Bryons bike from out neighbours driveway. He drove it over, I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to hear that sound, to travel back to the nights when I would almost be asleep and would hear Bryon and his bike pull into the drive. I would get up and together we would talk on the patio, our moments.I miss them, I miss him.
I feel like I am being sucked into a vortex, empty, lonely, misserable. Sometimes I question the meaning of life.....is it really worth it?