The Eve of 2012

Once again the page is turning on a new year. My children seem to be having a hard time accepting the fact that I want to bring in 2012 alone, just my "girls" for company. They have tried to get me to go out to their parties, talk about feeling like a tag along. I am fine, spending New Years Eve alone is my choice. I have had this last week off work and spent almost the whole week on "me" time, doing what I want, when I want. Christmas was really good. Four generations in one house and not an ill word spoken. Started dinner around 5:00 and we were still eating at 8:00. Bryon would have loved to have the family around, the only thing that would have made it better would have been if his children could have been with him. Second marriages can lead to a lot of regrets. This last year I have spent thinking about the choices I made in regards to Bryons care. I nearly drove myself crazy with second guesses. Should have, could have, would have's. I nearly drove me to the brink. This year I am going to learn to be content with the choices that I made, knowing that what he had was terminal, and his death was peaceful, no pain, he just feel asleep. Death can be and often is extremely painful, the long good-bye I call it. He often told me that he didn't want to die that way. He didn't. I am going to focus more on what I had with him, not what I don't. I sit and look at the lights on our Tree of Rememberance and each light signifies something in our life together, the lights climbing up the tree are sort of like our life. The top one is shining up to the heavens.

I was blessed to have had Bryon in my life.

I love you Pooterbear.