this is crazy

Here it is 12:3o at night and once again I can't sleep. Last night I managed to sleep for 3.38 hours, tonight who knows. My sleeping pills are definately not working.  Six o'clock comes to early for this kind of nonsence. Don't know why this is going on. I'm trying to quit smoking and still have a lot on my mind. Numbers constantly running through my brain. they don't mean anything, just randon numbers, numbers with pattern, heck I even see the darn numbers. Been taking the girls out for an extra long walk, doing anything just to be able to go to bed and sleep.
Just have so much on my mind, and still the quiet house I find deafening.
Don't know if this lonely feeling will ever go. Try to keep busy, looking into some nightschool courses or Saturday ones. Bryon used to fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. I miss listening to the cadence of this breathing, feeling the warmth of his body next to me. My dogs are just not the same.  But as they are all I have I shall try to make do.  I am so tired but the moment I put my head on my pillow my mind will not shut down.

Miss you Pooterbear, Love you.

Comfort for the Girls

My big girl Boots has arthritius in her hips.
I know the feeling all too well. Needless to say it was not a hard decision. A new winter coat for me (which I really didn't need) or an heated throw blanket for her to lie on.
Boots really enjoys the heat on her hips and it has helped her alot.  Call me crazy.

Late night thoughts

Is losing somebody, the one you loved beyond anything else,in essence preparing us for our own eventual death! It gives us hope that we will one day be with them again. Does it soften the knowledge that we too will die?

People say that the pain of death lessens, that you should move forward with your life. How??? Even the numbness hurts!

Sent from my iPhone

One year ago

It has been one year tonight since I fell and broke my hip. In some ways I wish I could relive this night. The meds they gave me for the pain took me away from everything. For three days I didn't feel the pain, loneliness , sadness of not having Bryon. Once they wore off I was back to reality, no Bryon, hip surgery.......by myself. I miss him so much.

Wait for me behind the moon

Sent from my iPhone

New Years 2013

Happy New Years to everyone. My wish for all is love, and happiness. If you have someone special in your life tell them that they are special, show them that they make a difference in your world. One of my favourite saying is:

I like not only to know that I am loved
but to be told I am loved
For the realm of silence is deep enough beyond the grave.

Today is a new year, a new beginning, no matter how bad your situation might be, there is someone out there that would gladly trade places with you.

God bless my family, my friends, and the people I have never met but who are my friends.