Proud Grandparents

Yesterday Chelsea, our granddaughter graduated. She got her grade 12.
She is amazing!!!!! Chels is a teen mother. She has defied the odds and is going to make herself and her son a great life. She knows it wouldn't be easy. She has a lot more schooling if she wants to reach her goal of working in the medical field.  You know what? Nothing will stop that girl.
She texted me the other day and said that she owed Bryon and I a lot.
She lived with us for 5 years and during that time we stressed the importance of school, of homework and being true to yourself. If you want something badly enough then work for it, fight for it. I remember many a time Bryon sitting with her and helping her. When she walked across that stage to get her diploma Bryon was walking with her. I could almost see him smiling and saying "way to go peanut!"  It wasn't easy balancing being a full time Mom, going to school and doing homework, keeping a home, but she did it.

 

Sleep

Sleep is like the warm embrace of a lover on a dark, cold, rainy night.

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Need to work

It's been 2 weeks since the company that I contract to has been on strike. Not being a union member I don't get strike pay but I try to stop by with donuts or ice cream to lend support. I really need for it to get settled, I have too much time on my hands. I go like crazy one day, cleaning, laundry, yard work and lay a hurting on myself that the next day I have to tone it back. It would be different if Bryon were here(I know that is such a dumb statement of course it would be better) I need to be busy and I loved my job. Too much time on Wendy's hands is not a good thing. I don't sleep well at night. I replay Bryons illness his last week his last day. I over analyze it, what could I have done or changed. I went back to the doctor last week. I thought the worse would be over, he's been gone 2 years 8 months shouldn't I be able to move on? He said that it takes people different times and some never really get over it. I will never forget I just want to get my heart and mind on the same page. In some ways I blame myself for his death. If I didn't have my four legged girls I think I might have gone a long time ago. I once asked : if I could have him back for 1/2 hour or 15 minutes would I. At that time I said "no" because I would loose him again. As I sit here tonight "YESYES"

I miss your silly joke, your Lester the lobster song......,, I miss you
💔
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Duh!!!

My big dog Boots had TPLO surgery 3 months ago. They cut the tibia, sort of rotate it and put a plate in. Athletes get this, torn ligaments in their knee. For the first 2 months she was always on her leash and helped up and down the stairs. Now my Boo dog loved to sleep on my bed. Between her and my Abby dog it left little room for me. Since she couldn't jump up on the bed I took the frame out and left the box spring and mattress on the floor. Just a short step up and there she's in bed. The things I do for my "girls" Anyhow, the whole reason for this post is........January 2012 I broke my hip. Recovery was slow and one of the things that was hardest to do was to get into bed and reach things on the floor. Just the act of lifting my leg up was at times almost unobtainable. Tonight as I sat on my now lowered bed a thought came to me. Why in the world did I not think about lowering the bed for myself?? It sure would have made my life easier. Yes it was one of those "duh" moments.

Front Porch Talk

This evening I went over and helped my neighbour rake her lawn. Her husband died 11 months before Bryon. Afterwards we sat on her front stoop and had a bit of "girl" time. The conversation came around to would we ever think about "dating" or getting married again. We both agreed that we missed the male companionship, someone to go out to dinner with or just sit and talk with. She said she didn't miss having to cook dinners etc, something that I do miss. At this stage in my life I don't see me getting involved with another man. My reasoning is that in all probability they would die before me. I know, I am being vain. However, statistically speaking women do outlive men. So why would I put myself into a situation of perhaps falling in love again knowing that in all probability I would have to face the death of someone I cared about. My children seem to think that I would be happier if I did find someone to share my life with, perhaps they are right. But at this stage I am not ready nor am I looking for anyone. That's not to discount that if someone did come around that I would slam the door on them. I am just not ready yet, maybe I never will be. 

Life is just stepping stones to death

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For a Boots and Abby

Sometimes the love from others is not enough to make me want to stay here.
Their lives will go on and they have the gift of reasoning

However........the gift of love from our dogs gives me the will to continue
They can't reason but they know when I am sad. What would happen to then if something happened to me. There is no one in my family that I would trust to love them as I do, to care for then or moreover understand them
Some days they are my sanity they help ground me I told Bryon I would always be there for them. I will honour this promise

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The nice thing about dogs

One of the nicest things about owning a dog is they really don't care if you have just lost your job. They have complete and utter faith that their dish will always have food in it. Rather humbling. If you decide to sleep in for the first couple of days they will be right beside you. They look upon it as "yippee. More time with Mom" little do they know what mom is going through. Being the only breadwinner in a house that is used to having two is daunting to say the least .
Yes, for the hopefully short term I am jobless. The company I contract to has gone on strike. Being self employed the government in its infinite wisdom has decided that as I am self employed I can't be unemployed, so no unemployment insurance. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. So here I sit, future uncertain but isn't it always that way ? I hope they settle soon and hope that the company doesn't decide to close their doors. Just to ensure that the dogs trust is not misplaced I bought a bunch of dog food tonight with my final cheque. Thank goodness for peanut butter I might have to live on it for awhile.

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