Night

Once again I have become a night person. Going to bed at 3:00 am is becoming the norm. There is something calming about it. Could be the fact that Bryon would usually go to bed before me and by staying up late I delude myself into thinking he is home. When I go to bed finally I once again delude myself into thinking that he had gone to work. He used to be a long haul truck driver so getting up and leaving in the middle of the night was not unusual. I know these are only self made delusions but they get me through each day.

Miss you Pooter Bear
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More painting

A couple of days ago I finished painting the spare bedroom. I had paint left over and more than enough time so I decided to paint the walls going down to the basement. Oh look! I still have paint in the bucket lets see what else needs painting. All said and down all of the basement entry is now painted. Luckily I have almost run out of paint but never fear there is still the bathroom and my bedroom to do.
On a different note my daughter has said she wants to move into the basement suite. That would benefit both of us. Problem is that at times she has commitment problems. She said that she wanted to move in a couple of months ago but didn't. I do hope that this time she does. It would be nice to have someone to talk to other than my dogs. Lets face it, dogs don't carry on a good conversation unless they are demanding something.

Give someone a hug for no reason


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Thin Threads

On October 29, 2010 I lost my best friend. The only person that truly understood me, the man I wanted to grow old with. People say that the grief diminishes but I don't think so. You learn to live with it, to hide it and become the person others want to see.
There are extremely dark times such as now. I wander around in our house, carrying on conversations in my mind with Bryon. I start to wonder why I am still here when all I really want is to be with him. Dark thoughts enter my mind. At times I think it would be so easy to just slip away, quietly, peacefully.
But there is this thread that will not allow me to do anything. The thread is my children, grandchildren, great grandchild and my dogs. I owe it to Bryon, myself and them to live the life I have been given. It's not easy and there are times I just want to let go.
I miss you Bryon so much!

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Job

Being unemployed might be nice to some people. At first I found it relaxing, no alarm clock beckoning me to wake up, all the free time I had.
Now I want/need a job.  I am quickly running out of rooms to paint in my house.

I feel like a duck

Lately I have felt like a duck. Calm, cool, all together on the surface.
If you could see it, I am actually peddling like mad beneath it. 

Molly

For the last several months I have been following the story of 2 1/2 year old Molly Campbell. She is from Victoria B.C. Molly had a very rare form of leukaemia that could not be treated at B.C. Children's Hospital. Her family relocated to Memphis Tennessee for treatment at St Jude's Hospital. I know what it is like to hope and pray that your loved one gets better but not all prayers are answered in the way we would like.
Molly and her family were an inspiration
to many.
This morning Miss Molly passed away.
Her suffering is over but not that if her family.
Please go to her website and send the family a message. I don't care where you are from or the fact you don't know the family. Lets show them we care....please

www.mollycampbell.ca


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Enough is enough

Not only did the plant that I contracted to close down but today I broke my toe. Let's add insult to injury. Was unloading truck with some stuff from work when my heavy blender decided not to wait for me to get it, instead it fell out the door landing right on my toe. Feet that are swollen and bluish black are not very becoming.

Such is life!

Lonely

There is a loneliness that nothing nor anyone can fill. My children try but even they can't understand the depths of it.
Bryon and I could talk about anything, we laughed, "debated" cried. I miss him and I wish he were here. The company that I contracted to has closed down, I don't know how much longer I will be able to live where I am. My home is a refuge a place that we shared together. To " move on" is easier said than done.
Family get togethers only reinforce who is missing.

I miss you Pooter
Behind the moon

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