Monday

What a great way to start the week. 5 1/2 hours in chemo. I now know more that I ever wanted to know about chemo. It started with an i.v. to help with the throwing up, then on to 3 pills for the same thing. Then came the cocktail first one then another, different stuff you know. During all this they gave us "handouts" about the medication, side effects and all that good stuff. She said that she didn't want to overwhelm us so we could read it at home...hate to tell you but it's a bit late for the "overwhelming" stuff. 2 RX's to go home with and all that liturature to read.....Bry sure knows how to show a girl a good time. Oh did I mention the $1500.00perscription he has to get for Firday??? It stimulates the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells and Bry gets to inject himself for 5 days.
Bry seems fine except for a headache and of course the tiredness....me??????????I am totally flummoxed........time for bed.

Tues

O.K. really quick blog here, Bry's cancer has not spread, still contained in the one lung. He starts chemo on Monday for 3 days and radiation for 5 days a week for a month and I know that in there there is more chemo, just can't find my notes right now. So I guess that good news is that it has not spread.

Sunday

One thing I have learned is to never say it was a bad day!!!!! It is an expression that we have used way too much. How can it be a bad day when you wake up beside the person you love, when you come home to your dogs who are ever so happy to see you,when you get to be outside and breath the air. Savour the moment, yes savour the moment for time passes all to quickly. Bry is finding it harder to get a full breath of air, he tires quickly, he says that he can feel the cancer in his chest. Tuesday we find out if it as travelled anywhere else....please, please pray that it is contained in his one lung. I can't sleep he on the other hand seems to be able to shut things off and find that solitude, the one that evades me. He has promised me that no matter what we find out on Tuesday that we will fight it. I honestly think that the two of us can do anything.

Friday Aug 20

For some insane reason I thought this blogging would be easy....not so. When a person takes the time to write about what is going on in their life it also means that you have to really think about what is going on. If it is not in print then you can deny, manipulate or even just close your mind off. People have asked me why I blog, well their are many reasons, first it is a place that I can safely vent without it upsetting Bry, secondly I hope that if anyone reading this has faced this they will act as my lamplighter and help me down the path.Thirdly if anyone has to face this (god forbid) maybe something they read will help them.
Bry is getting very antsy, too many doctors appointments, the not knowing if this elephant has gone elsewhere in his body, his attitude is lets get this chemo/radiation going. He just hates waiting"let's get the show on the road"
We have had some serious "what if" talks. He has seemed angry, not that I blame him, but as long as we keep the line of communication open we will get through this.It is when either one of us close up, then we are in trouble. On an upward note, he got fitted for his hearing aids...now I will have to watch what I say about him.

Monday Aug 16, 2010

And yet another Monday dawns, another day of testing for my Bry. This one was a bone scan, they inject you with some radio active stuff, you wait 2 hours( now that is fun in this heat)and then they run you under some kind of scan machine. Boy, am I ever able to talk "technical" Bry was quite inpressed with this little card they gave him, it states that he might be mildly radioactive but he is safe and it will be gone in 5 days. No air travel for that guy...lol This should be the last of the tests, then we see Dr. N. He will tell us if the cancer has spread, in which case it will be treated with chemo or if it is only in the lung then it is radiation and chemo. Judy(Bry's previous wife) called yesterday, we had a nice chat while Bry got out of the pool. It is so nice to hear the two of them having a good conversation and laughing. The weekend was not all that great, Bry was coughing up a lot of blood and had no energy...this I passed off to the heat....that is my excuse and nobody is going to change it!!!!!!!Whilst we were sitting by the fire Bry said that this would all be easier if I didn't love him so much but I do. There is nothing I would not do for him.It is a fine balancing act, letting him do things for himself all the while I want to do it for him. I never really expected our lives to be taken down this path, but it is one that we are on now.
My pills are kicking in so "good night all" and thanks for all your support.

Thursday Aug 12

I have been too tired to write very much. This whole cancer thing is a series of small steps, feeling ones way and in other ways it feels like we have jumped off a cliff.Tomorrow Bry goes for a full body CT scan, Monday is a bone scan and we should get the results when we see Dr. N on the 24th. So there you have it. On that note
Good night

Saturday

I like not only to know I am loved but
to be told I am loved
for the realm of silence is deep enough
beyond the grave.

Carpe Diem!!!!!!!

AUGUST 06

Wow, another red letter day. As I mentioned yesterday what I have been going through with WBC. Today Larry called, they have approved Bryon's hearing aids, no going to their audiologist, or anything. The are sending the letter out tonight. Larry has no idea just how he has made our lives a bit better.

Aug 05,2010

Well in some ways I guess that today would count as one of those "stellar" days.
After trying many times to get ahold of WCB I finally got ahold of someone who seems willing and moreover in a position to help us. Bry put in a claim for hearing aids last Feb. Now according to the letter we received the turn around time for approval is 9-12 months. yikes, we are not asking them to pay for it out of their own pocket, just approve the darn thing. I talked to the case managers manager, a really nice young man, explained about Bry, the cancer and his needing to hear what the doctor is saying. He immediately phone someone who put Bry on the priority list and he told me if I have not heard back from them in 2 weeks to call him on his private line. Score one for the home team. Next on my agenda was the onocologist, Bry's appointment was on the 17.Once again after numerous calls etc I reached a real person. I asked it they had any cancellations could the give one to Bry. I was assured that they never had cancellations but she would make a note for me. Low and behold, while in WalMart my phone rang. Could we be up there by 4:15,they had a cancellation. (Bry and I joked that the only reason for this coming up was that the person had died, there fore could 't keep the appointment...I know, we are sick!!!)Anyhow, nice enough doctor and he ordered more tests. A complete CT scan, and a bone density scan. He wants to see if the cancer has spread. If it is only (yeah right ,,ONLY as if that isn't enough)in the lung they Bry will start chemo and radiation. Boy that sound like fun but it it kills this elephant then I say"Bring it on" This is not just Brys battle, he may be the one with the cancer but this is our whole families battle. Rally the troops and bring it on.....we WILL WIN!!!!!!

Aug 04, 2010

One has to love family. My sister Dale took the time today to listen to my rants about the medical system while she was at work......thanks a bunch.
My brother Dale in his infinate wisdom suggested that I put the year on this blog...
"you never know" He too was subjected to my tyranny about our estemed medical system.
It is nice to know that family will be there for you, to listen to you rant to just be there.

August 04

Yesterday I called Dr. F to see if he could get Bry in earlier, they suggested that I call, which I did. Right, the phone message went something like"we will try to return your call within 24 hours" I left my phone # and a brief description asking if they could get Bry in earlier. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow I will call Dr. F again. Bry is really down, coughing up more blood and tiring really quickly. He is getting so down. I try not to let him see how I really feel, I have to stay positive for him. If push comes to shove I will go up to this Dr. Nobles office and get an earlier appointment. Tomorrow he goes to the podiatrist to see about his feet. He describes walking as having sandpaper rubbing his feet bottoms raw, and then having acid poured over that. Not a lot fo fun walking. Of course this is not covered by MSP. God, I am so tired and yet I can't fall asleet until early morning.I am so drained but nothing to what Bry is going through. If any of your reading this care to post you can, there is a place at the bottom of my posts.

July 31

Charles, Marnie and the kids came over this evening. A fun night of swimming, s'mores, beer, and more swimming.It was one of those evenings that you never want to end. Bryon is getting tired easier now,and gets winded quickly. As he would put it, "my get up and go, got up and left"I am trying to do as much as possible and yet leave him some things to do. He wants to push himself even though he only has 1 good lung at the moment. I try to tell him to conserve his energy...yeah right.I hate to seem him this way.....I want treatment to start right now!!!!!! He has had some really good conversations with his kids and this lifts his spirits up. Today being Monday and we have it off, he pressure washed the deck and the gkids came over for a swim and some "grampa time" Seeing my Bry this way, getting tired quickly and having troble breathing scares the hell out of me. I have to phone Dr. F on Tuesday and light a fire under him. He wants Bry to see the onocologist earlier than the 17th.I want to see if he has made any headway.