January 01,2011

All my life I have tried to be the reliable one, the one who could see both sides,the "strong"one, the voice of reason. Over these last 8 weeks that voice has been silenced for there is no reason. If there was a reason then I would not feel so empty, I would have insight, I would understand, my question of "why" would be answered. I thought that crying or any expression of sadness in relation to me would be taken as a sign of weekness. This journey I am on has taught me that this is not true, instead it is a sign of being human. There are some feelings that just can't be swallowed or shaken off. These feelings that threaten to tear you apart.I brought in the New Year with my daughter and our neighbour Marj. My son and his family went out to a friends party as befitting they should, I picked them up and made sure they got home safely. Marj and I talked about our husbands and what a hard year it has been. Her Jim passed away a year ago November, Gord, her brother in law last january, this summer Bryons son in law Mike and then Bryon.In our own small way we celebrated what we had, not the love we lost but the love we were lucky enough to find........still we miss them.